The fear of abandonment is present in all of us, but it is important to know to dominate it, to our happiness, and our relations are not affected.
The fear of abandonment is one of the deepest fears of the human being. Biologically linked to a desire to belong, we fear that others will reject and criticize. Faced with the prospect of abandonment and loneliness, we tend to feel anxious, humiliated, isolated. When this rejection happens in the context of a relationship of love, the pain seems to be the biggest yet. Let’s understand this fear and learn to beat it!
UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT
The depth of the fear of abandonment is different from person to person. Some people fear that rejection to confirm his worst fear, that they are destined to be alone or that have little value. When these thoughts catastrophic, fear-based, if you make it a constant, it can leave marks of anxiety and depression.
The fear of abandonment can also be justified by the fear of experiencing hurt and pain, leading to the fact that many people do not express their feelings and isolate themselves before the chance of rejection if put effectively. In fact, to be rejected and suffer losses is very painful, so that many people avoid at all cost getting involved in relationships because of the fear of rejection, since it is part of human nature the desire to be accepted and desired.
When we risk opening our heart and someone rejects you, this is not a cause for shame, nor should it be seen as the end of the world. We can and should allow ourselves to feel sadness, loss, fear, loneliness, anger or any other feelings that arise and become a part of our mourning of the relationship.
WHEN THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT PREVENTS HAPPINESS
We’ve all felt fear of rejection in some point of our life. For example, probably all we have left to invite that special person to leave, afraid that this does not accept. However, the fear of abandonment is often a big obstacle to our happiness.
1. LEADS TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES CAN BE AVOIDED
Fear helps us to keep out of danger. We are programmed to avoid everything that causes us fear. However, if you flee from a lion makes sense, and is a fear to be rational, avoid meeting new people and developing new relationships is no longer a fear healthy.
To eliminate any possible risk of rejection prevents that new opportunities are explored.
2. INCREASES THE NEED TO PLEASE OTHERS
One of the best ways to avoid being rejected, goes through trying to please everything and everyone. Say yes to an invitation that you don’t want or agree with opinions contradictory to our are examples of this. However, to please all the people, ignoring our preferences and personal opinions, it becomes unsustainable in the long term and can cause high levels of exhaustion and the exhaustion is emotional.
3. DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO FORM RELATIONSHIPS SINCERE
The vulnerability is the key to living an authentic life, but it is clear that to be vulnerable implies risk of being hurt and rejected. If the fear of abandonment prevents someone to be genuine in the relationship with the other, will hardly be possible to form sincere relationships and prosperous.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT?
Already felt on the skin rejection and is afraid to start a new loving relationship? The fear of abandonment was extended to other areas of their life and now up to at work feels the need to please others? Questions about how to overcome the fear of rejection and build relationships happier? So watch out these tips!
- Aware of situations or circumstances in which worries excessively with the hypothesis to be rejected, and with the real dimension of the fear of abandonment that he feels. What are the “don’ts” that are afraid to listen? That opinions left to themselves, in fear of the disagreement of the other?
- Let the avoiding side. Prevent rejection is more safe and less painful in the immediate moment, but also brings no true acceptance.
- Remember that the pain caused by rejection is a feeling that is normal, that will come with time, just like any other painful sensation. It is not possible to control if all our gestures, actions, words, opinions will be rejected, but we can control the intensity of our emotions before the rejection.
- Face situations of rejection as opportunities for improvement. Has not obtained the much-desired “yes” this time? Do not personalize the rejection, or if culpabilize.
The rejection hurts, and avoid it is a way to escape the pain, however, to avoid all chance of abandonment only results in the short term and leads to greater problems in the long term.
Be rejected and ignored can be very painful, however, when we learn to tolerate the distress associated with the rejection, we can see our confidence increased.
So, don’t let that be the fear of rejection to define the relationships we have, and the thing that strikes in your life. Remember, who dares, wins!